mom of 2
What I Know & What I Don’t Know Since Becoming a Parent
Happy Monday, everyone! And welcome to my first instalment of:
I’m calling it my first instalment because I imagine this is the sort of list that I’ll be building on constantly. Kids are kind of amazing creatures; I’m finding myself learning something new and being baffled by them every day.
This particular list started last week when I watched Bee for the very first time climb the ladder to the big slide and actually go down, all by herself. The big, yellow, twisty slide usually reserved for bigger kids; kids with a little more courage than she has shown in the past. Bee’s always been very thoughtful in the playground – not exactly a risk-taker – and preferred to be pushed contentedly on the swing while seemingly contemplating the bigger picture of the universe, as evidenced by this recent photo:
But, back to the slide. As I watched this mini-human, all wild hair and bare feet (she also suddenly decided that shoes are for chumps?) climb the ladder and spin down with a look on her face I can only describe as hysterical joy, I wondered to myself, “where does this courage come from?! What is it that makes a kid say to herself one day, ‘yes. Today is the day I’m going to do this slide!’??”
I just didn’t know the answer. Not that there is an answer to it, but all these other things started rattling though my head, things I didn’t know about children and life – and also all the stuff I realized I now do know. Stuff that I never in my entire existence would have come to know or not know, had I not been blessed to become a Mama.
Sure there’s probably scientific or anthropological explanations for most of this stuff. But let’s just say there isn’t and go with it, k?
WHAT I KNOW
I know that not two children are alike when introducing solid food: one will choke with every mouthful you feed her, and the next will scarf with such abandon that you’ll wonder if they even have a gag reflex at all.
I know banana is incredibly difficult to get out of hair/eyebrows:
Yew, boy. Poor kid.
I know Velcro is awesome.
I know that learning to share is HARD and often incredibly emotional.
I know playground politics is a real thing.
I know following through with promises and threats is crucial if you want solid parenting cred with your Littles.
I know putting a towel over your head and pretending it’s long, flowing princess hair is instinctual.
I know I can hold my pee until I forget I have to go.
I know that baby farts will always be funny, especially in completely inappropriate situations like church, or while talking to baby-less single, ultra cool people you used to be friends with until you decided to become one of “those” people who got married and had kids. Baby farts are especially awesome in that situation.
I know that when my toddler cries, “mommy, I NEED A LOLLIPOP RIGHT NOW!!” she truly believes she needs a lollipop in that moment or else she will probably crumple and die.
I know my floors will be perpetually sticky until the kids move out of the house.
I know that a baby will be just as happy playing with a spoon and an old face cloth as it would be with a $50 toy.
I know that somehow there will always be a dirty diaper somewhere in the house at any given moment, regardless of how diligent I am with throwing them in the bin.
I know that baby socks are bullshit. Like, seriously. Teeny tiny pieces of fabric to cover a baby’s feet that will only end up in a gutter somewhere on the other side of the city or lost at the bottom of a purse? Ridiculous. I say, footed sleepers for Fall & Winter, then bare feet in Spring & Summer, or until they are able to walk and then need socks and shoes.
I know I will always, without a doubt, have some sort of food/bodily fluid substance on my shirt until the kids move out of the house.
I know that babies and kids will live and thrive just fine on non-organic food & dairy products.
I know that this parenting gig is the hardest f*cking job in the world, but I am all the better a person for it.
WHAT I DON’T KNOW
I don’t know what makes a child love salmon one day but then gag dramatically just thinking about it the next.
I don’t know why it’s so true that you can buy a kid every damned toy in the world but all they’ll want to play with are the boxes they come in.
I don’t know why I bother to HAND WASH this $18 Old Navy dress, but I do:
I don’t know how a child can survive for days on nothing but Cheerios and raisins.
I don’t know how I am surviving on no sleep. Seriously. How is this happening.
I don’t know how I would get through the week without parenting drop-in centres, public parks and the library.
I don’t know if there actually is such a thing as “too much coffee.” Sheesh.
I don’t know where the irrational fear of pooping on the toilet comes from.
After everything I’ve gone through with two kids, I honestly do not know how people have more than two.
I don’t know where this love for my children comes from, if you can even call it love. What’s bigger and deeper than love? Because that’s what I feel for them.
*****
I’m sure I’ll be updating this list in the coming weeks.
Until then, I’d love to hear from you!
What are some things you now know or realize you don’t know, since becoming a parent?
August & Everything After
Oh, hey there.
It’s really good to see you.
Sorry it’s been a while since we’ve last hung out. But, you know, it happens.
Everyone gets busy, and most of us have to unplug occasionally. To check out from time-to-time and reset…
…and for the scary New Post button on your blog to become less cumbersome that it has been over the last 5 months.
FIVE MONTHS.
Over the last 5 months, my Life has filled-up with everything. Overloaded with an abundance of good news (my sister, her husband and baby boy are moving home from the UK in July), exciting things (we bought a house…. AAAAAA!), nerve-wracking moments (…um, buying a HOUSE) and devastating heartache (saying goodbye to our beloved family dog of 14 years).
Of course, the first, and probably the most important thing, was the much anticipated arrival of our son, Li’l Bubs (formerly known as Pelé). He roared into our lives in the early morning of September 17th, and has completed our family in the most amazing way.
I knew I had a small handful of people eagerly awaiting his birth, almost as much as me. But as soon as we got home from the hospital something kind of shifted, I guess. I decided that this time, these immediate moments that were directly in front of me, one after the other, happening at lightening speed yet slow as molasses, needed to be savoured. I wanted to protect them and coddle them and hold them lovingly in my arms – from Bee meeting Bubs for the first time, to the first diaper change, the first (of many) sleepless nights, adjusting to a new body taking up space in our bed and home… all of these things, I decided needed to be just for me. Just for us. Our family.
I didn’t unplug completely, mind you. I popped up on Instagram and the Facebook now and again.
But I did make a conscious decision to step away from the blog for a while.
And now? Here I am.
*****
Full disclosure: I’ve been working on this post for a few days now, writing and re-writing everything. Thinking, “maybe it’s too flowery.” “Should I elaborate on this?” “Perhaps a bit about the birth?” “Is anyone going to care about that??” “WHY IS THIS SO HARD?!” So I apologize if it feels a bit all over the map.
I had such a nice little rhythm going with this blog all those months ago. I was having so much fun with it. But then, over the last 5 months, the notion of “getting back to it” weighed on my mind – I found it starting to feel like a chore I had to get done. Just the thought of having to sit down and plunk out my thoughts, when it was just so much easier to nurse Bubs on the couch while watching Vanderpump Rules The Bachelor Canada The Great Interior Design Challenge reading. I had a million-and-one excuses to leave it be.
Now, though. I don’t know exactly why I chose today of all the days, to clean it up and hit publish. To dust it off and send it back out into the world.
There’s nothing particularly special or different about today. The kitchen is a pig-hole mess from hell, there’s a mountain of laundry to do, there are boxes everywhere because, even though we bought the house, we have yet to move.
Maybe it’s because of Bubs. Day in and day out, he is proving to be the sweetest, most jovial, dimply baby, excited to be a part of it all. He has a shock of fuzzy blonde fluff on his cradle-capped head (which was a shock because Bee was born with a mass of BLACKBLACKBLACK hair), chubby thighs and the happiest demeanour I could ask for. Maybe today because he’s growing faster than I can handle. Maybe today because I’m finally ready to shout out to the world that he’s here, he’s wonderful, look at him go. To start recording all the awesomeness, as I tried to do with Bee.
Or maybe… no. Okay. Not maybe.
I think, actually, it is because of Bee.
Excuse me while I sob for a minute.
Bee. My Bee.
Our wonderful, intelligent, caring, sensitive, outgoing, introverted, thoughtful, excitable, wondrous, curious, imaginative, inquisitive bundle of everything that is good and Holy in this crazy, scary, amazing world. She is 2 years and 3 months old, but when I look at her, I see the big girl/young woman/lady she is to become.
And she is perfect.
In every which way.
She loves her brother with such… fury. If that makes sense. She squeals with glee when he wakes up in the morning, “HI, my little monkey!” She bounces and crouches and reaches for him whenever he’s around. She consoles him when he cries, “It’s okay, my little monkey! It’s okay! I’m here! Your big sister! You so BWAVE!” And I can see in her big, twinkling eyes when she smiles at him that she is secretly counting the days until he is big enough to play with her. He’s already smiling at her silly faces, as is everyone else.
Because, she is silly. And sneaky. And temperamental. And loving. And so smart. And oh, so, so beautiful.
And my heart fills up with so much pridelovehappinessworrydoubtexcitement when I look at her or even think about her that I feel like it’s going to explode all over the walls.
Which, would be bad. Because, this place is a rental. So….
ANYWAY.
I could wax on for a thousand more words about how amazing my kids are. About how they have changed me for the better. But I don’t want to be THAT parent.
But I do want to start writing again. I do want to start blogging again, to get back to sharing my stories, and maybe even shooting off a vlog or two. The wheels are turning, the routine is slowly falling into place, despite being perilously close to falling off the tracks in the shadow of this big, crazy move (which happens in a WEEK, by the way).
So I’ve dusted it off, shined it up, given it a new look to boot. I’ve re-plugged, if that’s even a word. I’m glad to be back, and I hope you all come along for all the new adventures to come.
And for now, I get back to packing. Bubs is sleeping, the radio is crooning, and I’m feeling good about just jumping, all over again.
I Am The Mama Mantra 